Shift Work Sleep Disorder

I've just gotten home from work and it's 2 am. I was tired around 5 pm and my body was telling me it was sleepy-time then, but of course, wide awake now. It could have something to do with 20 fl oz of caffeine I guzzled.  I'm staring at the clock trying to calculate how much sleep I can squeeze out of this night/morning before I have to be back at the hospital. I usually set my alarm so I have a couple hours to do other things before work begins, but it's just a daily lie I tell myself. I'm no morning person...or in this rotation's case, noon person. I'll be running out the door with keys, phone, and ID in hand, same as always.

My "to do" list is miles long. I have it separated into two columns: things that I can conceivably put off for the near future, and things that absolutely must get done under threat of death, or at the very least a stern talking-to by a higher-up.  As one could guess, most work things fall under the latter category, and most other life errands, like food shopping, laundry, and dishes, fall under the former.  Both do not seem to get any shorter.

I have to be at work a little bit earlier than usual tomorrow for some drill that's occurring. I would be cranky, but I'm actually glad that I'll get to see some of the other residents. My current rotation has me tucked away in a remote corner of the hospital.  It's a cozy spot, but windowless; if not for the clock featured prominently on the wall, the whole place would feel too doldrum-y.

I'm pretty excited to be starting to write this. It's been a rough few weeks.  Hell, who am I kidding, it's been rough since July 1st. I want to find my joy again, a spark that's been missing. I know it's been gone this past 3 weeks, but I'm starting to think it's been longer than that. Writing here, it's definitely going to be a piece of it, but I think I realized another today. There's an electric piano in the hallway of the hospital that I pass by everyday, but I'm usually too busy (aka: late) to stop at it. Today during my 4 pm lunch I snuck over, turned the piano volume way down low, and started to play Clair de Lune. Only the middle part, because when I first started studying it, it was most difficult for me. I played that part ad nauseam, and now it's the only part I know by heart. I only stayed a couple minutes, but I had a smile on my face all the way back to my department.